I drove to Maine today for a day on a farm with my hemo family. It was a day of laughter, sun, new experiences and togetherness. This drive took me three and a half hours, each way, and as always it was worth every moment I spent getting to and from. My heart always feels happier when I get time with them. It’s not always the same “them” and it’s a wide range of events, nonetheless I leave happier.

On my way home I stopped and explored a neglected space that I drive by and have always wanted to explore. I recall stopping there decades ago when it was an open antique store. It’s been closed up and abandoned for a long, long time. There weren’t many places around it I could get to because I was wearing sandals but I have a plan for the next time I stop there.

The thing is, the time it took me to look around the building slowed me down just enough for the sun to be setting as I came to the top of a hill. I was hit with a wash of colors in the sky. The colors were so bright and fluid that they looked painted. I stopped a couple times as a new angle presented itself. Even as the colors faded I could see them sinking lower and lower as I drove.

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In a matter of minutes the sky was grey, with not a hint of color. It was like someone had taken a picture and used a black and white filter on it. This is sometimes what it feels like to me when I’m surrounded by people I love like I was today. The colors are feelings that are vivid and glorious, they fade to grey when it’s time to part. I know there will be another splendid feeling, full of color much like knowing there will be more another sunrise or sunset full of color, I just have to wait for it.

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I also have to be aware of it. I could have kept right on driving, watching the colors change as I went but then I wouldn’t have gotten the full effect. Being able to take the time to stop and watch, that’s what being with people I love is, being aware and taking the time sit with the feelings is like knowing when to stop and watch the colors. That way I won’t ever think ” I wish I had taken that picture”, “watched that sunset” or spent an extra minute with someone”. I’ll know I got the best of the colors and the best of life.

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