Dear Kirby Vacuum,

How dare you? My mom has a Kirby. She can no longer get it out of the closet, it is too big and heavy. How dare you send your sales staff out to people’s homes to coerce unsuspecting consumers into buying these monstrosities? It’s similar to dragging a Mini Cooper around the house. The auto drive feature is a nice touch and does make it easier on long hallways and straight stretches but much like the old manual transmission cars, turning is a bitch.

How dare you? The price of these ungainly things is ridiculous. If I had known mom was buying one I would have convinced her to get something different and go on vacation with money she would have saved. She got this generator once and I was shocked at the price she paid, at least the generator has shown it’s value over time. The vacuum? I’m still waiting, and we’ve had that much longer than the generator.

So Dear Kirby, I find you unethical, not cost effective and physically painful to use. Our home would be clean more often if it weren’t for you. I suppose I could look at it as a chance to get a workout in. Do you think my insurance would consider using our Kirby like having a gym membership?

Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                 Maryann


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