There’s a volume switch on the TV. One on the radio. Phones can be silenced. Why do microwaves have to be so loud? They beep when you touch the buttons. They beep when they’re done. If you don’t open the door when they’re done they continue to beep at intervals. Microwaves need a silence button.

I live with a slammer and a stomper. Every door, every cupboard, every closet , the microwave, even the toilet lid gets dropped and slammed. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night. Stomping footsteps up and down the stairs and throughout the house, also at any time of day.

I have worked outside of the home for over 43 years. For the past 27 I have had jobs that require me to be up by 4 AM. I go to bed early most nights, the older I get the more sleep I require so often I’m in bed by 7 or 8 o’clock. My sleeping patterns have slowly shifted so that by 3:30 in the morning I’m stirring and waking up.

My slammer/stomper lives on the other side of the clock. Never really having worked or having to having had to be accountable to a clock he comes in later, is sometimes still up when I get up and sleeps until mid or late afternoon. Later at night when he comes in it’s like this; slam goes the front door. Stomp through the house. Slam goes the toilet seat. Stomp back out the kitchen to prepare food. Slam go the cupboards. Slam goes the microwave. Then the beep. It’s the beep that usually puts me over the edge. Maybe it’s the different sound. I don’t know. Because from there it’s slamming of the dishes used to cook, the stomp back down the hall to the living room and after a time watching TV the stomp up the stairs to bed.

I live in a pretty secluded area, the most sound I hear at night are the fox or the bears hooting or the coyotes howling on the neighboring hill. Rain, wind and snowstorms count as noise in my home.

I like the quiet. I now sleep with a fan which helps a little. It’s actually quieter most nights when I stay in a midtown hotel then it is a night in my home out in the country.

Don’t ask my why I don’t say anything. That’s a story in itself.

When I grow up I’m going to live where I can sleep all night without any slamming.


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